Argentina Rant 2 - Electric Boogaloo (Thor's 4th Blog)

Agenda
Blog+Corrections
Book Brackets
NaPoWriMo: poetry/prompts

HW: 5 poems read and written, 8 by Sunday!

Ola, meus amigos.

Crayfish has chose me. Why, may I ask?

I've illegally returned to this crappy MacBook in a desperate attempt to squeeze a forced laugh out of you guys. Hogging the computer so that someone who hasn't actually done their blog can relax for an additional 24 hours until I probably pick Jose again, I will again properly educate everyone about the 

horrors of that awful beast known as Argentina, from the totally accurate perspective of a South Central Brazilian-American. 

And me. Yes, me. I've returned. Let's begin:

Below is Chris Bosh. Noriko unfairly removed it from Crayfish's blog, so here he is. 

 

Above is Chris Bosh. Noriko unfairly removed him from Crayfish's blog, so here he is.

We're voting for books now, where the vote was unfairly rigged against some of the greatest pieces of literature that this school has ever seen: Creating America, The Communist Manifesto, and Big Ideas Math: Geometry. The last one is a joke (even Dillmert hates it), but being serious is probably the thing that I suck at the most (aside from life).

A picture of Sheen Estevez from Jimmy Neutron is on the desktop. Crayfish has left his footprints on the computer, and I really hope it stays that way. Noriko, do not delete images-5.jpeg if I may politely ask.

Okay, now let's actually begin?

The World Cup is coming up. It's gonna be in Russia. Speaking of Russia, uniforms are gonna be a ripoff of the old Soviet Union jerseys, but they look kind of cool now. They got triangle patterns and stuff. Crest looks nice as well, with the eagle or hawk or whatever. That's the most I'm gonna talk about Russia now, as I'm not going to get into American politics and an eventual flame war in the comments about how Russia hacked the Jersey Committee (if that even exists?). No, we're going on about that football rivalry between Argentina and the rest of South America (plus Mexico). Even Guyana and Suriname are involved, and that's surprising.

Okay. I went over this in the comments of I-Have-No-Idea's blog, but I previously mentioned that there is an ongoing conspiracy theory that Adolf Hitler faked his own death and fled to Argentina after he realized he screwed up. I had to bring this up, as my grandparents were affected by his rule and fled from Germany once he rose to power. Well, if Hitler himself is fleeing to Argentina, then you can see how much of a mess your country is when one of the worst human beings to ever step on this earth is actively desiring to live there. 

Steering away from that topic (I have no desire to talk about it anymore for obvious reasons), let's talk about the ignored elephant in the room: THE FALKLAND ISLANDS! That's right, that group of islands that has more sheep than people, is off the coast of Argentina itself, and is probably only known for the drama it's caused. Quick history lesson, Bill Wurtz style:

There's some islands near Argentina that Argentina wants, but Argentina can't have them because those islands are already owned by Britain. Argentina still wants those islands, but Argentina still can't have them because they went to war over them. And guess what happened?

A - They win

B - They lose

C - They suck

Well, guessing from the tone of this rant, you can already guess which TWO answers it is. Putting the answers here counts as cheating, so I'm leaving it up to you to guess. And now a word from our sponsor our resident Frenchman, B- wait, you already know his name.

Aha! Truly Splendid. Well, kids, there's something I'd like to talk about that Thor didn't mention because he's too much of a boob: FRENCH GUYANA. Or, rather, France's territories. It's honestly impressive that France spans more time zones than those fake, potato and блины-obsessed hackers  Russia itself. Why, you ask? Well, because of EMPIRES, huge ones. With spice trading, social revolutions, moderate corruption, AND DUMB SEVEN-YEAR WARS AGAINST BRITAIN THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE WON EVEN THOUGH IT MADE THEM BROKE. Yeah, Ayden has probably already sighed in his exasperation; his fake exasperation that's supposed to indicate how he's above all of us and that he knows better. Wow, I just blacked for a few minutes. All of you have actually sighed, probably. Well I'm leaving; I'll take my francophilia with me. 

Get out, please. 

Okay, Frenchman's gone, now time to indulge in the aftermath of the war between Argentina and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Quick history lesson, again.

Argentina gets pissed, and they name a stadium after the Malvinas (as they say it). Argentina is pissed at the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland for probably, most definitely, absolutely forever. And us non-Argentineans have the outstanding pleasure of making fun of them for it.

Next subject (yes, there are a lot of things wrong with Argentina) is about their accents. So, most of their people have Italian blood in them, and it influences their accents in the most horrendous ways. In Brazil, we have a variety of heritages that we can be part of like German, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, French, Russian, Chinese, Scottish, Angolan, Polish, Austrian, Greek, Lebanese, Ukrainian, Mozambican, Romanian, Japanese, the list goes on and on. But in Argentina, you're Italian or you're not Argentinean and rather some impostor from Paraguay. They add "sh" to the end of S, so if you say "los" like any normal Spanish speaker would say, Argentineans would say "losh". Adding on to that, anything that would sound remotely like an O would become an "oo" sound, so now it's "loosh" instead of "los". And they have a tendency to squeeze J's into everything from actual J's (which should ideally sound like H, see jalapeño for reference). So take jalapeño, and it turns into "jalapenyoo". See where I'm going here? Finally, let's take, "Como se llama" and it becomes, "Koomoo sheh amoo". 

That concludes the 2nd part of our rant. I hope you have been thoroughly educated, and wish me luck as I attempt to eat a sandwich in 3 minutes (spoiler alert: I don't). Anything after this is not me.